Sunday, June 10, 2012

System of a Rat?

I'm 24 years old. It feels awesome to be 24 years old. In the world's eyes, you're an adult capable of achieving many things while in your mother's eyes, you're still a kid. Uhm.. Just that you've grown a couple, ready and willing get around the challenges the world has to offer.

Just like you, I've seen and experienced life's journeys, scaled the ups and downs, breezed past many events. I'm glad and happy that I've had to experience many things. While there have been situations that I regret being in, situations that I regret creating and situations that I'm glad I've experienced. Ah, might sound dramatic but, hey, I'm being honest.

So, considering the very memorable events that have happened lately, I've considered recording them in this form. I won't be able to write about what actually happened but, I just wanted to record my takeaways from everything that has passed since.

The last few months of my life were consumed by philosophical references and preaching to a person I loved very much. Events transpired in such a way that we had to break up. Not only did that create a deep impression in my life, it just crumbled everything I had so strongly believed in. Most of it - my fault.
Well, love does that to people. It did it to me too. I was lost, lost in thoughts, lost in darkness and the disbelief that all my effort had been reduced to ashes. Although it doesn't really matter now, it was an important part of my life and what I believed was "an important phase."

To be honest, I lost my sense of humor due to being overly philosophical. I had developed this sense of seriousness that I never had before and to top it all, I was sounding like an aging Greek philosopher on his way to creating the next bestseller.

The fact that all my efforts in doing things that been lost in vain chained me. I had hoped to change and stay radical towards many conventional methodologies of doing and achieving things. Be it my professional life or my topsy-turvy love experiences. Rebellious in attitude, I hoped to change the very way careers and personal life is built. But, alas, I was at a juncture where I was seeing reality take it's hammer and smash my sandcastle. What was I doing? What was I thinking? What is really the right way to do things? Pathetic rhetorical questions, sadness and depression took over what is ideally supposed to be the best years of my life.

I needed to get out. I needed to be unchained, I needed to get out there and prove things wrong. I need motivation and guidance. I happened to come across this person who has now changed the very way I perceive things in life. A person who I connect with greatly for inspiring confidence back in me, confidence that had just evaporated from my being. I've built a great mental connection with her because she's helped me realize and understand what life was and where I was living in - A world of fiction that I built for myself, a world I thought I could beat. I've realized we're all trapped in a place we cannot escape. They've got us by our balls!

We're all racing against each other, not with each other. We're always against each other - competition, money, electronics, entertainment, luxury and what not. We're always going to compete with each other and it is the sad truth. I've reached my age of logical reasoning and thankfully, I've realized that no matter what you do, the system will always suck you in. We're like rats in a locked cage, running races against each other with no where to go. All we know is that we just have to run. As unfortunate as it may seem but, it that is the sad truth.

I've realized that no matter how true your heart is towards what you believe in, there are forces at work that will break it. Unless you have the time and resources to build a great impenetrable fortress, you, your ideas, your work and your efforts are always vulnerable. The forces will always work to break everything around you so much that you wouldn't know what to do. So, take care my dear reader, I wish you all the best in everything you do.